My first experience with ayahuasca was in a small church on the outskirts of Curitiba Brazil, called Santo Daime. It's sort of a Christian church, although obviously it has some roots in indigenous culture. So Santo Daime is a kind of fusion between indigenous culture and Christianity, but I'll need to read up more about it. (BTW, there is Santo Daime in the US in New Mexico and Hawaii, and the supreme court has ruled that they can drink the tea.) We came to this church through our contacts through the PSI conference I was attended. I was invited by Stanley Krippner, a pretty famous anthropologist who is an expert on ayahuasca, dreaming, and lots of other stuff. (On a separate note: I got to give my presentation on sacred sites, which was actually very well received.)
In the church, everyone was seated around an alter in the circle, which was decorated as a great Tree of Life. The leaves of the tree were different colors, green, orange, yellow, very beautifully. The group I was with were the guests of the church, and their congregation seemed to be mostly fairly young, but very nice and sweet people. I wouldn't call them hippies or anything, just regular people in this part of brazil. They were dressed very nicely and were very polite.
During the whole experience, a lot of the congregation was either playing an instrument (guitar, accordian, maracas) or singing. (Eventually, one woman began drumming, which was greatly appreciated.) I don't couldn't read the lyrics (in Portugese) but I'm sure there were a lot of references to Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary. At first, the music was slightly annoying to me. Not bad really, just not my kind of music. And they played constantly. Eventually, though, their devotion of spirit and enthusiasm won me over, and I was very happy they were there through the experience.
For some reason, the genders were slightly separated, men sitting on one side and women on the other. More men played instruments, but the women had the better voices. One in particular was was singing her heart out the whole time.
One other thing. During the experience, they stationed these helpful "guards" who were very warm and attentive throughout. One man named Gilbert was extremely warm and attentive to me and my friends there. If anyone needed to go outside (most likely to vomit) they would very quickly assist you because under the influence, you loose some of your coordination. They would help you through the door. If you had to be sick, they would be very kind and attentive, bringing you water with a smile. Perhaps a chair, ask you to look up and enjoy the night, and encourage you. Thankfully, this didn't happen to me, but it did to some of my friends, and it was good to know we had such men who were so focused on serving our needs. (I have to say, the people down here are very warm and friendly! In fact, I was really inspired by their sense of service, duty, and generosity.)
OK, now the experience itself. I took two glasses of ayahuasca. Although I was slightly nauseous, I didn't vomit, which I think helped me a lot in having a good experience. (One of my friends who got sick didn't seem to have the visuals I did.) Shortly after the second glass, I became aware that if I closed my eyes, the show began. And in the beginning, it was rather uncomfortable, seeing all kinds of crazy stuff like a kaleidoscope landscape of alien bugs. It was like a rocket ship taking off, and I thought "holy shit, what have I gotten myself into?" "What was I thinking, coming to this strange, foreign part of the world, to trip my ass off?" But my buddhist teachings served me well. I was committed to being present, relaxed, and kind to every facet of my experience. This helped me a great deal.
One of the interesting shifts for me was when I began to think about my mother, who recently passed away. I wanted to send her as much love as I could (to wherever she was). This seemed to open my heart a lot and I could feel a lot of love. Later in the process, it seemed I was connecting a lot with the feminine.
There were other various kinds of explorations. One thing I noticed is that if I opened my eyes, then closed them, the negative of what I was seeing (like the back of a white chair) would stay on my eyelids for a fraction of a second and then turn into a kalaidescope of color and patterns.
They give advice (which I think is very good) that you should have a goal or intent (perhaps in a religious context) for the experience. I think that's probably very important. When you are tripping (I realize) the dangers of the mind become much more clear. Any intent or thought takes on an incredible life of their own. Hidden fears can emerge. You have to be mindful and not allow your mind to just run amok. However, although I did have rather clear intents, with each intent having a kind of journey, I didn't want to be too disciplined about things. I kind of wanted to enjoy a ride. So I relaxed and let my mind explore various topics and questions, perhaps not the best way, but still very interesting. I also maintained an attitude of curiosity throughout.
Basically, the tea seems to relax control of the way your mind works, so your thoughts and visuals (and the sounds around you) are released from their usual control. This can of course be a little scary. Stanley Krippner told us at a workshop on dreaming that dreaming and experiencing ayahuasca are very similar. In both cases, you're exploring deep experiences that are usually hidden or suppressed. And it can be wild, beautiful, ugly, scary, loving, you name it. But here is where the constant singing, music, and beautiful tree decorations come in. They seemed to function as a beautiful, loving frame that held your reality in a kind of space, where you were free to explore your journey, ask and receive answers, but always could come back to this environment of singing, music, and love. You were always being held in this kind joyful, loving embrace. No matter what you experienced, you could always come back to this.
And this to me was the most amazing thing about the whole experience. These musicians and singers were tripping the whole time just like me! And yet here they were performing for about 3 hours, while were were all under the influence. They were amazing. (The guards like Gilbert did not drink the tea, however.)
One thing I may not have made clear: I didn't really experience much in the way of external hallucinations. That is, when I opened my eyes, I didn't see anything particularly unusual, although sense of space and light was slightly distorted.
After about 3 hours, the singing and music came to a close, but I was still pretty much in an altered state. The members of the church were very friendly, and some came to greet us. One came and tried to speak with us, even though he didn't know much english. As he spoke, it sounded like he was trying to quote the verse from the Bible, "As ye sew, so shall ye reap." But he actually said something slightly different. He said something like: Cast seeds that contain love. I think this was meant to suggest that when you have drunk the ayahuasca, to choose intentions that are loving and kind. Of course, it's not bad advice when you're not drinking ayahuasca, either.
After the ceremony, someone brought out popcorn. (They are really big on popcorn in south america, I discovered.) Also some lemon grass tea lemon grass, I think. And the gentleman named Gilbert led me to where they had a big plate of some kind of boiled, black nuts, about the shape and size of cockroaches. But they had a potato-like flavor. Anyway, the fact that we ended our ayahuasca journey in this church with popcorn and nuts that looked like cockroaches somehow seemed pretty hilarious on the bus ride back to our hotel.
Overall, I did experience a sense of peace, wisdom, beauty, and love. A number of times, however, I also thought this was pretty strong medicine, and maybe not necessary (or even useful) path for someone who has something like buddhist dharma. Nevertheless, of course, I was rather curious to see what it was all about.
Many times during the experience, I would be considering a topic or question, and get insight or revelations which was rather cool. And frequently, I would think something like: wow, I'm really clever to get this. But then I would think, hey....who is this I that keeps appearing? That's an inquiry I might try in the next session, when I get to Peru.
No comments:
Post a Comment