The Dieta with Diego

Recently I traveled to Peru and spent 10 days with Diego in the jungle where we had 5 ceremonies. It was quite an amazing experience, so I thought I would share this with you.

First, a few words about the environment. I flew in to Pucallpa, Peru, then took a two and a half hour taxi ride to a small village. From there we traveled by boat for about 2 hours to reach don Diego’s sanctuary, which he calls Sachavacay. There, we were each assigned a small open-air hut or “tambo,” where we spent most of our time. It was similar to a meditation retreat, in that conversation with other participants was discouraged. In the tambo, I spent most of my time either lying in the hammock (very enjoyable actually) or journaling. Each tambo had a small bed with mattress and mosquito netting. The mosquitoes were not ferocious, but they were there. I may not have been plagued quite so much because I had a bat living in the very top part of the roof. Ocassionally, while I was inside the mosquito netting, I would hear him fluttering around, perhaps eating mosquitoes.

My tambo was near a small stream, which was very low for lack of rain. Occasionally, I would see a blue morpho butterfly fluttering along the stream bed. I understand they are endangered, and I never saw one land; they were always fluttering. (The picture I’ve included here is not one that I took; I swiped it off the internet.) One day, Mark, another course participant, called my attention to a relatively large yellowish-green snake that was swallowing a small frog it had found in the stream. On our last day, when we were in the ceremonial lodge, and had broken our fast of most kinds of foods, we were eating a pretty tasty batch of popcorn. This apparently attracted the attention of a pack of forest monkeys, who gave us a curious look, but then took off into the jungle.

On the first night in Sachavacay, we had our first ceremony. I’ll speak more about the ceremonies below. On the second day, Diego gathered us in the ceremonial lodge and had a drink a plant mixture that had us puking for hours, and just puking. No exaggeration. It was given to us to help make the medicine work stronger for us.

There were about 16 course participants in all. Everyone had their private tambo along the jungle path, most of them near the stream. About 8 came from somewhere in the states, 1 came from Germany, 4 came from Spain, and a family of 3 came from France. The family from France was a couple in their sixties and their 28 year old daughter. These three had never tried the medicine before. After the 2nd ceremony, the older French couple had enough and left the dieta, and simply toured Pullcupa and other nearby towns. Diego managed to convince the girl to stay, and she ended up having a beautiful, transformative experience.

Yes, the ceremonies were special. Yes, I puked, although not as much as I thought I would, perhaps because of the puking plant we had on day 2. A good bit of the insights and revelations are a tad personal, but I’ll try to share to give you a taste. I've noticed that my experiences seem to match (albeit a bit roughly) the pattern of common experiences documented in Shanon's Antipodes of the Mind. The experience usually (though not always) unfolds in the following pattern: 1) Slight nausea from drinking the medicine 2) Anticipation with what will happen, along with the slight nausea from the medicine 3) Colors and patterns begin to emerge, perhaps in a kaleidoscope fashion, but also chaotic 4) More grotesque images emerge, like ugly alien bug-like things, or perhaps the internal organs of aliens. Usually looks nasty, and at this time the impulse to purge comes. However with me the impulse to purge may not be strong enough to actually purge at this point. I would also say, that this would be at the 1 or 2 hour mark (perhaps 2.5 hour) in the ceremony.

From this point, the ceremony shifts substantially more toward the uplifting, the inspirational, and the beautiful. But different directions are possible. Sometimes glimpses of something like celestial cities. Perhaps a message about my life through a stronger that usual sense of intuition. Also glimpses of loved ones who have passed onto the other side. My heart usually expands at this point. No matter who I think of (and I really mean no matter) my heart expands with a sense of compassion, understanding, and/or love toward them. There is also usually a sense of ecstasy and appreciation about all forms of life. I think this uplifting part of the experience, which is generally the bulk of the ceremony, is strongly influenced by the nature of the icaros which the curandero chooses to sing.

Diego is unusual in the range of icaros he sings. That is, in addition to the traditional Peruvian songs, he sings sweet Spanish ballads that seems to caress the heart. But for me perhaps the most powerful and magical chant he performs is the Gayatri mantra. Here is when dimensions can truly open. I have found that I have been torn between just simply being lost in the ecstasy of being absorbed in his playing and exploring the journey that the medicine working with my mind is taking.

This time, much of what I experienced seemed to be giving me inspiration for what I consider to be my purpose: a novel I’m writing and some other explorations I intend to begin concerning collective consciousness. The novel is a SF/ Fantasy work that I’ve been working on for years, and it involves a lot of worldbuilding. The medicine is fantastic tonic for the imagination. But I also believe it was helping me connect with Muses or creative beings who are working with me on this project. I see as my main task right now is to continue with the intent on connecting with humility with these beings who will be working with me. Pretty far out, yeah?

I want to share a little bit of the vision thing. One of the highlights for me was getting a sense, maybe a flash, of rings or shells of beings streaming information to me as I needed. Kind of reminded me of the concentric rings of angelic choirs described by Dante in Paradisio. Music of the Spheres, perhaps. I also had an intuition about this celestial realm that here was where the divine harmony spoke of by Pythagoras, where everything was in sacred relationship and harmony with everything else. My sense (at the moment) is that our physical realm is a stepped down version of this celestial realm, which is teaming with loving, intelligent beings.

There were moments in each of the ceremonies where I was seeing something that would somehow split or open up, and for a brief moment there would be like a fountain or cascade of beautiful shapes and forms, exhibiting the colors of the rainbow. Here (so it seemed) was the edge of pure creativity or what seemed to me ultimate reality, stuff that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi had described in lectures back in the day when I was in Fairfield IA. But here I was for the first time experiencing it.

With the medicine, there always seems to be a joy or ecstacy with my heart full for everyone. I would imagine some of the people that I often think are very bad people. Only here I could see them for what they are, flawed perhaps, but essentially also humans who had their beautiful, child-of-god aspect. I felt such tenderness for all life I didn’t even want to swipe the mosquitoes who were trying to jab me. (I did, however, albeit reluctantly.) There was a moment where I thought the crickets with their chirps were rooting for me on my journey. It made me feel for all the creatures big and small who are part of this creation, many who play some role in the foods that bring me nourishment.

Here is another interesting thing about the medicine. You might think that this is just some kind of psychedelic drug trip, an escape from reality. Yet, I've found that the medicine has a tendency to plug me in my body in a way where I'm in touch with certain truths that I normally dismiss when I'm in my normal state. To be more specific, one of my tendencies in normal life is to delude myself a little bit about the fact that I'm not so young any more. I'm 54 years old, yet in my mind I often think and behave like someone in his mid 30's to early 40's. And since I'm young looking for my age, I think people are often surprised to learn how old I am. However, when I'm in the medicine, there is a stronger sense that I'm in an aging body that will die in the not so distant future. And this triggers an appreciation of life, a desire to do certain things to help make a difference. A recognition about what manhood is about. (Of course, that said, I would also say that there is also a tendency toward fantasies, very idyllic ones that include the erotic. But these are usually when the medicine is past its peak.)

Perhaps not enough could be said about the sounds in the jungle on this dieta. There were all kinds of sounds I had never heard before, amazing sounds from birds (who I have no idea what they look like because I didn’t see them). And I would love to know what goes on in those conversations.

An amazing part of all of this was the walk back in the night from the ceremonial lodge back to my hut. The walk would have been impossible for me (despite my headlamp which on this journey I came to believe was perhaps the greatest invention made by humans). Diego had helpers guide us back to our tumbo. Still deep in the medicine, I would be guided over a bridge, over all kinds of tree roots, and rocks in what was a rather amazing journey beyond ceremony. Really! And I tell you, these very simple South Americans who helped and guided us were really the pure embodiment of selfless service. So beautiful and inspirational they were!

One night after ceremony, as I crawled into my bed, under the mosquito net, I got the bright idea that I would use my heightened state to make some kind of contact with my housemate, the bat that lived in the ceiling. My consciousness could indeed (so it seemed) penetrate his. Bad idea, I discovered! I sensed a rat-like consciousness focused pretty much only on eating bugs in his tiny corner of the world, and had no use for my invading consciousness. Not exactly the best way to end the day after all the beauty I experienced, so I quickly retreated.

I’ll make one confession. Diego does allow participants to go for an extra cup of the medicine. After the second ceremony, I stopped taking the extra bit. Mostly my experiences were very profound, but I do wonder if I should have gone for a bit more, having come so far. But the truth is, I was getting along pretty well without an extra cup for the most part, and…well…that stuff really does taste terrible. Still, I sometimes wonder if I should have gone for the max each time. That’s the way my wandering mind goes, pretty silly I know.

Well, that's all I have to share at the moment. Thank you, dear reader, for allowing me to share. For those who are inclined, I strongly recommend exploring this incredible tool.

Another Encounter with Diego in Miami

I’d like to share with you some things from my latest ceremony with Diego, this past Saturday night in Miami. I have to say that a few months ago, I could not have imagined writing some of the things I am about to share. Before the ceremony, Diego warned us that the word “profound” would take on a new meaning for us. That was no exaggeration.

My message to you is that I believe we are now on the cusp of a very deep and profound awakening and healing. As a young James T. Kirk might have put it, “Buckle up.”

First, I have to say what an incredible experience it was, flying into Miami, with such a completely different vibe than DC, and be welcomed by such loving, open people. There are quiet giants there, serving a cause they know is vital for a world that needs healing. Much more needs to be said about their loving dedication to the medicine and selfless service. But that is for another entry.

With a friend of mine from the DC area, I flew into Miami Friday afternoon and checked into a hotel my friend Maile had arranged. (Maile, thank you so much, and sorry you couldn’t make the trip.) We took a dip in the pool before we were picked up at the hotel and taken to the home of Juana, who organized most everything, and who was a true force of nature. We did a sweatlodge that night, which is one of her specialties. The next day we headed to where we would be doing ceremony with don Diego, somewhat of a high rise condominium on Key Biscayne, overlooking the ocean. Our host of the condo, a wonderfully light hearted artist from Peru, had his enchanting abstract paintings on the wall. We took a short swim in the ocean and I got a little burned, then prepared for ceremony called Depspacho with James. This was a very elaborate ceremony for cleansing us and creating our intentions for ceremony with Diego. (Again, I am leaving out quite a bit.)

The ceremony with Diego began much like the first one. His instructions were simply to explore everything through the breath, and that the breath is our primary connection with spirit. The medicine tasted foul, of course, and created a tensing and slight nausea in my stomach. (I had gone on a pretty strict diet for a week, so I was hoping to avoid “purging.”) My mind grew alert for what I might see, and sometimes there would be a little hint of this image, or that, but nothing that I could be really sure wasn’t just my imagination. I went for over an hour and not much seemed to happen. I drank a second cup when the opportunity came, and I sat down thinking maybe I just wouldn’t experience the same kind of profound experience that I had before.

About this time, I began to feel a tingling in my arms and a sense of being in “lift off” phase. There was a sense of the medicine making its presence known, and saying “Hi.”

Soon afterward there were abstract patterns and intricate, colorful grids unfolding before me. I would try to remember to breathe. Diego would be chanting, playing with bells, or other instruments. Each time he played it would seem to bring me back to a new place.

All in all, I would describe that there was a sense of “tunneling” to the other side, where I felt immersed in a dark river of Being, a vast source of geometries, patterns, and possibilities. Much of the time there were only hints or shadows of shapes and symbols, all connected together, yet also flowing together with a sense of structure yet also flow. Of course, not with the clarity of an Alex Gray painting, but hints and flashes nonetheless. And as I felt my connection with all of this, I was filled with a sense of love and ecstasy with this ground source I sensed was the foundation of pure creativity and freedom.

But there was also an elusive quality to everything, never really hitting me with the full light show. There remained a kind of obscure, mysterious quality as if eluding my ability to fully conceptualize and get a handle on what this truly was.

I also became aware that as I was seeing and feeling these not quite substantial patterns and flows, I was also constructing in my own mind (even now) stories about it, inventing a role for myself (as your story teller) that was simultaneously removing me from this field of essence. That was perhaps the true struggle, staying present with the reality that was unfolding as thoughts of roles, identities, and stories constantly tried to pull me away. You’ve heard the expression of a deeper reality that is beyond the ability of language to convey. Well that’s what I experienced. I felt my very attempts to, say, put characterizations on the nature of the medicine or what I was experiencing, actually distorted the experience. Like the medicine was always eluding my attempts to define it or explain it. Ultimately, you could say that I eventually caved to the deductions of the ego, though I really felt I had more than just a glimpse of the other side.

This was the core experience for me through the night, as Diego played (amid other sounds of retching) and as time seemed to both stretch and shrink. And I had the sense that the group radiated together in ecstacy, not unlike a collection of tuning forks vibrating at a common pitch.

Like the last session I had with Diego, I thought of various people I knew, appreciating their special beauty. Recognizing the special beauty and purpose that they have (that I and often they forget). There were people who I had blamed for this or that, a view in my exalted state made no sense. Everyone I knew had amazing qualities and beauty, and it seemed strange that I just didn’t realize the obvious all the time.

For example, I usually thought of my supervisor at work as a frumpy, nagging, narrow minded woman. But when I beheld what she had to deal with, including a husband with all sorts of emotional and physical problems, and the impossible politics of where I worked, I realized that in many ways, this small, unassuming woman was nothing less than a giant.

Somehow, though I’m not sure how my thoughts took this direction, I had the sense that I had more or less broken my father’s heart in ways that I had not seen before. He had dedicated his life to our family, sacrificed much on our behalf. Yet, I turned my heart away at an early age, mainly because I had a highly sensitive and independent nature, while he was very rigid and expected me to follow the Southern Baptist way, that I felt didn’t exactly work for me. I pulled away, and in some ways we never fully reconciled, perhaps because we lived in worlds apart. But he was an amazing man who gave me so much. And for some reason, at this point, I saw what looked like a vast colorful fractal pattern of Escher-like geometries.

Another insight was that I saw that I was perhaps or probably not meant to have the “soul mate” or deep and profound love connection with one person that I had hoped for much of my life. It was sort of like I saw that my soul had made some kind of agreement not to focus on a link with an individual, with the vast reality before us. An important phrase kind of echoed in my mind at some point, “all my relations.” It was of course, what we used to enter the sweat lodge on Friday night. Somehow now, though, it took on a different kind of meaning. It was no longer a nice, altruistic phrase, it was a foundational core reality. ALL MY RELATIONS. I saw that while I had been searching for that special someone, I had forgotten that we are all connected as one family with the plants, animals, rocks, and bugs. I saw that ALL MY RELATIONS is the core truth that binds us together more profoundly than we have imagined. And it is about exploring these interconnections through play and love and tears. Creating a special relationship with someone can bring joy, especially while bringing children into the world. It can help us learn devotion and empathy for another. But the dark side is that we can get locked into a relationship pattern that might take us away (or blind to the needs of) others who are, in reality, no less connected with us. It seemed to me that (perhaps) in this time of need and vast interconnections, my soul had chosen not to link to tightly to anyone one person, so that I could be of greater service to the many and to link with others for teaching and sharing. For those of you who are single and wondering about that, I invite you to consider this possible vision of vast playful, loving interconnection.

I continued to feel this ALL MY RELATIONS as I listened to Diego’s playing, hearing the voices all around me, sensing that they were also opening to this reality in their own way.

At some point near the end (weren’t you just waiting for this?) I felt something in my stomach and perhaps a little nudge from my spirit that said, yes, George, there is something you need to let go of. I responded with “No, I don’t think so.” But then there was this, “Dude, it’s your turn.” I resisted. Maybe we’ll wait awhile, I thought. But the feeling was persistent. So I slowly looked around for the plastic purge bucket, got on all fours. My core muscles worked hard and I let it rip, and it’s wasn’t pretty. Here I was, one minute feeling like a master creator. The next moment I was on all fours, puking into a plastic bowl on the floor. So revolting. So gut wrenching real. And yet also glorious. I got that I was releasing crap that just did not jive with the higher frequencies.

At some point, Diego did close the ceremony and people slowly began to re-orient with their surroundings. And eventually, I began speaking to my neighbors. I began having a conversation with Kuki, a woman who had sat beside me during ceremony. She was radiant and had an amazing caring, playful energy. She had met Mother Theresa at a young age, and had been taught a meditation technique directly by Osho. She shared a great deal of her wisdom about things that I had recently been trying to learn more about, like principles of manifestation and tapping (EFT). She also convinced me I had to go to India, and I made an attempt to share some things with her. Somehow, my conversation with her and what she shared with me seemed as important as anything else in the ceremony.

One thing I believe I understood about Diego is that he is more transpersonal in his work. Although he has been trained by a shaman from Peru (and he has his ceremonial lodge there) unlike other curanderos, he has worked with teachers in India. Some of his icaros (chants and songs) come from a Vedic tradition. So his work embraces not just the traditions of the jungle. I think the experiences that people have reflect this.

Based on what I felt and experienced, I’d like to leave you with a final inquiry. Suppose what we have always dreamed of experiencing could be attained with a few ceremonies like this (or with other tools such as meditation retreats)? Suppose tools were now available to help us awaken into a deeper, more profound reality? And let’s suppose that we lived on a world where the dysfunctional nature of “normal” consciousness was leading our planet toward peril for the first time in it’s history. What if that was the reality that was unfolding before us now?

My answer to that inquiry is that we start to wake up now. With friends. We share tools. We share experiences. We open our hearts. And (maybe) we puke our guts out.

We do what we can to help other awake, and we ask others to help us. If enough of us heed this call, we create a critical mass that turns to the challenge that our world faces at this time.

Yes, I know, it sounds idealistic. And as I write these words, the experience is now a memory. I see people (at the airport when I first began writing this, later in my office) the way I normally did. As I write these words on Monday, my body is tired, I am falling back into my habits and I too am sitting here questioning my own words. And I realize (more than I did last time) that perhaps the greatest challenge is integrating what I’ve experienced into my more habitual life.

I cannot, however, forget what I experienced, seeming to breaking through to this source of beauty, a vision of a magical playground that is our essence, the source of freedom and creativity that we share. And yet, there is also another truth. The people who brought me this medicine, Diego and his helpers, as well as Juana the organizer and her helpers, were simple, gentle souls. Diego’s energy and power seemed directed purely in the spirit of service. His helpers reached out to me in the darkness as I stumbled, gave me water…they were devoted to what was needed. Instead of sitting searching for visions, they moved quietly and cleaned the bowls that had been used for purges. They poured a little water on my head, checked into where I was, and asked me to breathe through it. Then they would move onto others who needed help. I imagine today they are in their gardens, working with the soil and the worms, tending their flowers. Gentle hearts who feel and nourish their connections with all things.

So that’s my sharing. The bottom line is that after experiencing this, I must bear witness. During the last stages of the ceremony, I felt again what I felt during my first time with Diego: we’ve waited lifetimes for this moment, to hear the call and awaken for one another, with one another, and truly shift the game.

Yes, the moment has arrived.

ADDENDUM: Just a few additional thoughts, as the medicine recedes a little in my body and I return to this dimension. Last night, as I was tired, I felt I had left the esctacy behind, and I wondered what from this experience could I truly carry back and integrate into my life? Many of the stories and worries that habitually played through my mind returned, and I began to question all I had written above. Was it all just a wild experience, and perhaps nothing more than more stories and constructions so my ego could play them back for you?

But then I remembered something that I had forgot to mention above (actually there are probably many things I have left out). And that is that this place of power can be accessed in one's life, but that it's characteristic is inherently playful. So when the habitual stories and the shoulds and worries crowd my mind, there is less room for that sense of play, that innocent awareness of a child. So I tried slowing down my thoughts, letting more spaces come between the thoughts a little, and asking myself: "How can I make this experience more playful?" I felt more in my body, and I think I felt a little a little more of the trace of the medicine as I did that.

And the world is beautiful. It can be more playful, more gentle. And from here, the source of power flows.

Anyway, that's my two cents at the moment. :)

Further Adventures.... in Virginia

On a Friday night in March 2009, I had ceremony in Alexandria Virginia with a curandero called Don Diego. I am not sure where to begin or how to explain the experience. But if you read no further, read this: I believe Diego has a far greater level of mastery than any other curandero I have met so far. He is a dedicated servant of Mother Ayuhuasca.

I didn’t realize this when I began this journey, but there are substantial differences between the skill levels of those who would be your guide. Very, very good, intelligent men will give you your first taste of this plant medicine, and you may well have a good experience. Freddy is a curandero I have not written about, but I had ceremony with him in the fall of 2008. He was good in many ways, but the experience was not near so profound as with Diego. Whether it was his skill or the potency of the brew, I am not sure. I think it is a combination of the two.

I spoke with a number of participants at the ceremony, and those who had been to Peru agreed on this: the experience with Diego surpasses those with the other curanderos we’ve encountered.

When we began the ceremony, Diego said that an encounter with ayuhuasca changes one forever. There is no going back. Based on what I experienced, I’m wondering whether that might be true. Still, at the moment, as I try to integrate the experience into the rest of my life, I cannot help but wonder. Time will tell what happens next.

I’ll try to give you an accounting of the evening, even some of the not so pleasant things, so you’ll have a good picture. A lot of what follows are what I believe to be epiphanies or perhaps messages from the plant's intelligence. You can dismiss these if you like, I'm not trying to convince anyone. Feel free to take them with a grain of salt.

Just one thing to get out the way quickly: pretty much everyone “purged.” Even yours truly who was on an herbal cleanse and figured there was no way I would be retching into a bucket beside me. There were two older gentlemen at the ceremony who were poking their guts out almost the whole time, God bless their souls. I overheard one of them say he would never do anything like that again. I can only hope he reconsiders, because ayuhwasca opens up some truly magical doors.

First a confession: I didn’t begin this journey for healing and personal growth. That is, I wanted those things but they were secondary. What I really wanted was to connect with a shaman so I could understand how the world is interconnected energetically. I have all kinds of cool theories and concepts about this, but I wanted to connect with a shaman to help me make sure I was on the right track. And if I got to see charkas, vortices, and webs of light, well, that would be pretty cool, too.

But the medicine has a power that takes over what you might have thought you wanted.

Well, now to get down to it. Diego began with some simple instruction about focusing on the breathing. Relax and breathe, and listen to the sounds he was creating. I don’t think I was focused much with the sounds in previous sessions, and I think this prevented me from going deeper, so this time I wanted to pay close attention.

Diego gave us all a cup of the tea, which tasted nasty (of course). Each time we took, he would say “God bless you.” Then we would sit back. Pretty soon there would be that familiar feeling of nausea, but I had been on an herbal cleansing for the past two weeks, so I thought I was pretty much not going to purge. (Yeah, right.) It didn’t take long before I felt tingling in my arms, but not so much in the way of visions yet. Then Diego began his singing.

So there we were in the darkness, with Diego using all manners of instruments to give us all kinds of sounds that vibrated through us on our journey. There was the anticipation of whether I was going to get off, and if (and when) what I’d experience. At some point I started to hearing sounds of retching into the buckets. Unfortunately, two men who were especially having a hard time with that were sitting pretty close to me. Fortunately, I had something for back support which allowed me to move away from these poor souls and closer to Diego.

And then the night sort of took over. Sense of time shifted. My thought thought process began to take on a heightened energy. Excitement and tension played through my body, but I would breathe through it, and then come back to Diego’s playing. There there would be rattles, chants, haunting icaro songs with the word ayuhuasca, some bells or chimes, guitar playing, and even songs from other traditions calling for Shanti and Shiva. There were many times when I would be on somewhere in my internal journey, but the sounds would pull me back as I felt the rhythms move through my body. My mind started to get more excited with insights and energy, but somehow Diego seemed to be calling me back with this playing.

Fairly early on, I had an epiphany that I thought was Mother Ayuhasca's core teaching, on that she kept bringing back to me over and over. And it is this: while people often come to ayuhusca in search of visions or glorious spectacles, and they often come, they can be a distraction from the true essence of the work. And what is that? The work is done feeling the sensations of the body and the breath, as a master curandero chants, sings, and plays a wide variety of sounds. Your body is feeling a rich texture of sensations, your mind is racing toward new insights, you are seeing hints of worlds that take your breath away, yet the curandero calls you back with surprising sounds that vibrate through your body. And you open to a power that takes you to amazing, surprising places. And then it hit me: everything I wanted, the answers to every question I had was to be found not by using the mind to construct concepts and worlds and theories and figure things out. The true power place, true mastery comes from following the unfathomable rhythms and sensations in the body.

Imagine a big dark snake moving beneath wet leaves in the woods. You recoil from it, yet, yet you are commanded to stay with that snake, to hold it. You discover instead that it is a huge dark root, pulsing with energy with dirt and bugs crawling all around it. You still recoil, but you stay, and you are somehow drawn into it. And then you discover that what you thought initially was a beast is a mighty root connected with an unfathomable network of roots in the forest, and through it you feel its embrace and are presented with its secrets and wonders.

It’s like the wave and particle from quantum physics. The mind breaks things up into particles. That’s necessary in many ways, but in loosing the wave, we loose the totality that we are connected to. Embracing the body’s sensations through this experience brings you into the wave, and the source of everything.

So I would be having thoughts like this and be amazed, and then I would hear Diego playing and something would call me back to feeling the sensations in my arms, my chest. At some point, my heart expanded more. (And of course more sounds of purging all around me. Some people were chanting ‘beautiful’ but Diego would ask for silence.)

I do think I am learning more about this. I think what has helped me on this journey is: 1) tools from mindfulness that allow us to embrace whatever comes into experience with compassion, 2) focusing and being attentive to the sounds produced by the master curandero, 3) at the same time, be present with the breath, and finally 4) moving and staying with all the rich textures and sensations into the body. With this we move deeper into our body and into the heart, and we feel the depth of our heart’s embrace.

And as my heart continued to expand, I began to think of different people that were important to me in my life. And I felt they were so beautiful, they had given me so many gifts, and often I had taken them for granted. I began to think of many of you and see the beauty and special gifts I had received from you. And this seemed to take on the bulk of much of my experience. I would think of a friend, feel my heart, and see the beauty of this person. And then I progressed to people I didn’t like that much, but saw that they had given me teachings and gifts also.

There was Rhonda, living in Chicago, who I had almost lost touch with, but radiating like an angel. There were many of my friends in the DC area who have so many qualities that have blessed me. There was Mike, who had practically ruined our friendship with his anger, but I saw he had been trying to teach me to have more courage. There was Sewnet, who was nearly a perfect embodiment of calm, practical good sense, and service. I even thought of my supervisor at work who I am annoyed with so much, but I see that she has struggled with so much. So many many more.

So, this seemed to be the second teaching: with a full heart, recognizing the beauty and gifts people had given to me. I saw that I could find a kernel of goodness with everyone. And my loving attention was like a sun giving warmth and nourishment to a small sapling. The goodness that was in everyone would expand and take root. Then a magical exchange happens as we exchange appreciation and allow the goodness in each other to take root.

Believe it or not, I even thought about George W. Bush, who I had vilified in my mind over the last 8 years. And yet, I somehow recalled something that I had read in the news, about how he had refused to criticize President Obama, because he simply cared more for the country than he did for politics, and he wanted Obama to succeed. Yes, he might be a politician working on his legacy, but I sensed there was true goodness and integrity, putting country ahead of personal stuff, that I had missed all these years. So yes, even Bush surprised me by teaching me something. And I feel I need to be in a place of healing by recognizing that goodness.

I saw Tara as a being from another star system (or another dimension) who had come hear to serve this planet in it’s hour of need. I also saw that she struggled in many ways to be here, but that she was committed to give what she had in service. And I felt so priveledged to serve her and knowing her, as well as Jonathon.

Most moving of all, I saw that my dear parents who have departed this world and had dedicated their whole lives to me and my brothers. They sacrificed so much out of love, more than I will know. They were simple people who grew up in the south. They did not have many of the insights and understandings or the education that I did. I’m sure there were many times I disappointed them, but they loved me. They served me and my brothers because they just didn’t know how to do anything else. That is who they were. And as their health failed them, and they were lost, I really could not help them and be with them the way a son should, mostly because I was living in a different state. But my brother Tom stepped in and acted like a giant among men and put everything he could into serving them, to giving back. He may never really appreciate the giant he has shown me that he is.

Of course, at many intervals the sounds would bring me back, and I would try to remember to stay present to the power that was flowing with me.

I did have some visions. I remember one where I saw delicate geometries of light that would fold into other worldly architectures.

And then another amazing epiphany. I thought of the science fiction novel that I had planned on writing, but had put off through lack of focus. And almost instantly it seemed that the main character (a young female empath from another world) appeared in the form of an interplanetary emissary, complaining about my lack of dedication to the joint project that we were supposed to be working on. I sensed she was from another dimension and she (or they) were sending me inspiration. (Yes, have a good laugh, George has really lost his mind.) But I was inspired to renew my commitment for this project.

Then Diego would play something else, and I would be back. I saw at one point that I was constantly getting caught up in stories and roles about my identity. These ideas about stories and identity were like countless little bubbles, like the foam of the ocean, always there to obscure the deep crystal ocean underneath. These bubbles would follow me and congeal around me, always seducing me with more stories and mental constructs. But Mother ayuhusasca would be there and ask for me to stay in the body. I would feel the edge in my body where the medicine was playing with me, flowing through me, more sensations.

At some point Diego asked for who would like a second cup. I didn't hesitate to ask for another, even though the medicine was strong with me. I think very few others asked for a second cup. As I went forward, Diego asked if I was feeling anything. I nodded my head, and he proceeded to pour me another cup.

The evening progressed, and I was filled with gratitude for these feelings of warmth. And I started to think of ways I can give back. And by this, I came to think I received a third teaching.

I sensed there was a lot going on in the world right now that we are not so much aware of. The news is focusing on the financial meltdown, the mess, the blame, the fear, and the anger. And as Starbuck would say on a broken down starship, with time running out, "There must be somewhere out of here..." But here it is: Our world is preparing for a leap in consciousness, awareness, and understanding. Somehow it is all coming together. Now, on the cusp of this spring equinox of 2009, I feel that THIS MOMENT is what we have been waiting lifetimes to experience. Things are becoming aligned for takeoff. Now is the moment we must awake to this truth and act, and be vigilant on what we can do.

I saw that none of the problems I face as an individual has any real meaning. The only thing that matters now is to awaken as much as possible to need of true service to our planet. To awaken to the suffering and need of others and heed the call to answer. That is the challenge.

And so I think this was the final teaching. Using the sensations of the body (and breath and sounds) to move into the place of power, then opening the heart to feel the goodness and appreciate others, then service.

At some point Diego closed the ceremony and asked us how we felt. I heard most everyone say they felt wonderful. (Every now and then I would still hear someone purge.) I said aloud ‘thank you Diego.’ And a chorus of thank yous followed.

Slowly everyone settled in, got up to go to a sleeping bag, but I stayed right where I was. The medicine was strong with me (I had had a second cup). Although I had peaked, I was still on the journey, and happily so. I was having more thoughts of wonder, of love, of amazement at Diego’s mastery. It was also strange to be aware of people moving around me in the darkness, while I was essentially still tripping. How do they walk around, I wondered.

And then, maybe an hour or two after the closing of the ceremony, I purged into my plastic bucket. Suddenly, I felt humbled, broken, and brought down to earth. And I felt such compassion for those poor souls who had pretty much purged all night. But soon, I felt cleansed and lightened and thankful again.

I don’t know at what time, but eventually my body said, hey, get back here and set me to lie down. I wasn’t going back to the sleeping bag I had prepared. I wasn’t going anywhere. I just lied down on the rug. I rested but didn’t sleep. I stayed awake the whole night. But it was fine. And somehow, the time moved quickly.

Also, I want to share some things that I viewed as kind of problems with the evening, just to give you the full side of things. First, Diego didn’t really have the quality helpers he needed for people who were having a rough time. I think they were OK, but for some of the people who were purging a lot, I think he needed someone to work with them, encourage them, give them a pat on the shoulder, and encourage them to stay as much as possible with the medicine. That’s the way I had seen it done in Peru. I’m sure that Diego knew this, but of course he is based in Peru and could not fly up his trained helpers.

The other thing, was there was a time when in the very early morning I needed to use the bathroom. I got up, but found the floor shift around me, as if I was on a big boat. (The medicine was still working with me.) People were sleeping (or possibly still tripping) and I tried hard to avoid walking on them or falling on them. The floor seemed to shift in the darkness as I made my way to the bathroom, but finally I reached my destination, only to find the toilet had been backed up with feces. There was no way I was going to sit on that.

Yes, dear reader, I am sorry to share that with you, but after spending so much going on about the glory, I felt compelled to give you the other side of it too. (Obviously, it’s the sort of thing that will not happen a lot, but this is an old house, so there you have it.) Slowly, I made my way to the portable bathroom outside. I peed but could not bring myself to sit down on the plastic toilet seat. Fortunately, I didn’t need to go that bad.

One last thing to bring this down to earth. Our host had a beautiful house filled with countless figurines of angels. The room we did ceremony in had a spotless white rug with white sofas. Well in the morning, there were stains everywhere where people had missed their buckets. And there was a stain on the white sofa, too. Our host, an elderly woman, was magnificent. She merely said she would call the cleaners. I hope they get it all out. That is what I truly call After the Ecstasy, the Laundry.

In the morning, I learned that pretty much everyone considered it a powerful experience. (Perhaps for some, too powerful.) And those that had been to Peru, thought that it had been a completely higher level than what they had experienced before.

And that’s pretty much it. For those who are interested, here is Diego’s website:
http://www.sachavacay.org/


Further note: Well, it's been a few days after the experience, and I'm back to my usual world, wondering how much of what I had learned and experienced will stay with me. I am trying to remember the lessons, but somehow the vibration I had experienced before has dissipated. Of course, that's not unexpected. But a few days later, in the cool March weather, I can still feel a trace of where my heart feels a little more open, and I remember the wonders of that evening. And I hope to have another encounter with Diego again.

Stay tuned.

Iquitos, Peru and the Shamanic Conference

Iquitos and the Shamanic Conference

Iquitos is one of the most unusual places I've ever visited. Probably most people visit Iquitos to go on jungle river cruises, as it's available only by air or the river, there are practically no cars. Yes, you read that right. Iquitos is constantly swarming with scooters (or motor cycles) and motorized "rickshaws." It's amazing to see so many people on these vehicles constantly, often holding babies or small children, with none of them wearing helmets. These rickshaws are taxis that take you anywhere in the city for 3 soles (about a buck) or less. Another amazing thing is that I didn't see a single chain restaurant (no starbucks, McD, KFC, etc).

In my descriptions of Iquitos, there may be a tendency to romanticize this unusual city near the mouth of the Amazon. But Iquitos is also a rather dirty city, with lots of people living in very poor conditions. Most of the businesses seem to be very tiny shops selling foodstuffs, and when you see the volume of business they do it’s difficult to understand how they get by. Most houses or shops seem to be simple concrete structures. Dogs run around in the street unclean and uncared for. A pickpocket stole the camera of yours truly (which is why I don’t have any pictures of Iquitos). And trips to the toilet in a third world country can be truly something unforgettable.

But the Shamanic conference was incredible.
The website is here: http://www.soga-del-alma.org/ConferenceSite/
There were about 180 people in all. There were all sorts, including many who looked like they would fit in at Burning Man. They had tons of speakers, many of whom were outstanding (and many who were not), and the speakers are listed in the link above.

They also had about 12 shamans, or what they called curanderos, who you could select to “do ceremony” or take ayahuasca with. The conference scheduled 3 nights for ceremony, and the other nights were for various speakers at the conference. However, some elected to find other shamans to do ceremony with. (And one of the curanderos offered San Pedro during some of the days. I elected to try this and discuss below.)

I believe all the shamans or curanderos are good, although my experiences (as well as the experiences of the others) varied. It was always interesting talking with other conference participants, sometimes at a slightly American style restaurant called the Yellow Rose of Texas, where where would hang out and talk about ceremony experiences.

Overall, I found my experiences with the shamans in Iquitos were mostly good, but not quite at the high quality I experienced in Curitibas, Brazil. This was partly because I was somewhat new at choosing the curanderos to work with, and also some lack of skill on my part in ceremony, as I’ll describe below. What follows is a description of the curanderos I selected.

Monday evening with Don Luis

My first ayahuasca experience was with a man named Don Luis. From his introduction at a panel, I could tell he took healing very seriously. He spoke eloquently of his service in the community, the law of exchange, and his work helping addicts. To get to his center, for ceremony, we took a motorcar ride to the edge of Iquitos, where we got on a motorboat that took us about 20 minutes down the river. We embarked at a small village and walked about an hour into the Amazon forest, along the way, we saw lots of nice, sweet children, often living in appalling conditions. (Perhaps appalling to me, but perhaps just fine from their point of view. I don’t know.) We eventually got to his center. It was nice, but very simple (if not downright gritty). We each had a hut, but I had to share mine with a very nice woman from Canada who was very sensitive with plants. In the afternoon, he showed us the plants, we went for a swim in the pond while the rain came down. Then we rested before a “flower bath” to cleanse us and prepare us for ceremony. I don’t exactly mean for this to sound idealic. Us guys stripped down naked and poured four containers of water soaked in various plants. But it was aromatic and refreshing. Next, we put on our clothes without drying our bodies. And then it was time for ceremony!

Our ceremonial lodge was a circular structure with screen walls, which would keep out the mosquitos, while letting us hear all the sounds around us. With all the crickets, birds, frogs chirping, it seemed like we were pretty much one with the forest, which was the idea. But the floor was pretty bare and dirty with not so much in the way of mats or blankets. (Lucky I brought my meditation cushion.)

So here I was, my first ayahuasca ceremony in Iquitos, where we had to trek for hours into the heart of the Amazon jungle to get too. I was psyched to trip my ass off. We had two cups of the sacred tea (which tasted terrible) and Don Luis turned the lights off so it was completely dark. I was nauseous. Several people got sick, but fortunately, I didn’t.

But there was really very little in the way of visions, internal or external. There was a sense that the energy was higher. I could tell my mind was working a little differently, and perhaps a sense that the plant was helping me. But nothing near as strong and powerful as what I experienced at the Santo Daime church in Curitiba Brazil.

How about that for ironies? We trekked deep into the amazon jungle to work with a shaman and got very little in the way of visions. At an academic conference, on the other hand, we had lucid, rich experiences.

Wednesday with Wendy (and San Pedro)

Today was a little unusual, as I had signed up for Wendy Lucky's San Pedro excursion. Here is a useful website: http://www.biopark.org/peru/huachuma.html
It was unusual because we were working with a different plant than ayahuasca, and we were doing it during the day. Also, as it turned out, the format was very different: instead of a fairly rigid ceremonial structure that would lead to each of us having a kind of inner journey, we took the san pedro in a much more relaxed, playful context outside in a nearby park, where we interacted with one another (and during the day).

So we went to a beautiful state park outside of Iquitos. We started with a little ceremony, where we did some facepainting of one another, and we spoke what our names would be that day. I chose 'worldtree' and it was interesting how some people really enjoyed calling me that. So I stuck with it a bit the rest of the conference (when I could remember.) I took quite a bit of San Pedro. Basically, it seemed to awaken the rich beauty all around us. At first we noticed how the sun illuminated colors all around. I noticed my mind quieting, or perhaps just awakening to the
reality that nothing going on in my head was quite as interesting as everything unfolding around me. Little details, like the way the water ticks just skim effortlessly and agilely on top of the water of the pond, far more nimble than any land insect, became a wonder. As we got
completely caught in a heavy rain, which normally might dampen one´s spirits, simply became another way of nature showing us her wonders. As the rain drops pelted into the pond, they would bounce off the surface, and seem to float or hover there for a micro second.

It seemed like san pedro was about awakening to the loving presence that holds all of nature as one. And when I felt discomfort in parts of me, I could be present with it and just see that those were little more than tangled loops of thought that I had got identified with. These dissolved by just relaxing into the presence around them. They dissolved like the rain drops falling into the pond.

Lots more could be said, but one more thing to share. Coming back to the city was a bit of an adjustment, because I think the san pedro wants you to relax in nature. But that was what we had to do. Later, I met some friends at the yellow rose of texas. Anyway, you would have to see it to believe it, but where we were was in the middle of this huge parade of colorful floats, filled with little children dressed in all kinds of costumes like cinderella, polynesian girls, little cowboys, well, you name it. And they had grown men in the costumes of barney the dinasour, winnie the pooh, tiger, something like tweetie bird I think, and some weird green goblin costume that I had never seen before and had no idea what it meant. And all these delightful children were just waving to us. It was just this unbelievable scene of color, delight, and unbelievable cuteness, while still being under the enchanting spell of san pedro.

Overall, I think this was the most fun and enjoyable of my experiences in Iquitos. But I should point out that san pedro does have some slight downsides. It lasts a long time, around 12 hours, and its effects are kind of speedy, which means if you take it and you need to go to sleep and rest before the next day, you're out of luck. Your mind will just keep going. But I also have to say that there were some nice visuals when I closed my eyes that evening.


Thursday evening with Percy

Next I asked around for what people thought about their guides. The next curandero I selected was named Percy. He had a very nice, quiet, gentle radiance about him. Most people recommended him highly. One person thought that the visions were rather modest, another got lots of good visions. He explained that he might be different from the other curanderos in that he emphasized healing rather than visions.

There were lots of similarities with Don Luis’s ceremony. We took an hour long bus ride to a side of the road, where we hiked about 30 minutes into the jungle to his center. It was cleaner than Don Luis’s, but there were no separate little huts for us to sleep in. We were to sleep (all 20 of us) in the ceremonial lodge. Before ceremony, we took a floral bath, similar to what Don Luis asked us to do.

During ceremony, I think I had some questions in my mind that I wanted to focus on (they recommend having an intent) but it seemed like I wasn’t quite getting into the flow of the ayahuasca. The visions I did have were very similar to the absract, colorful grid pattern that I saw on some of the fabrics and clothing that the locals try to sell. (I bought some examples.) And later I noticed that Percy had some paintings that showed various abstract patterns in the forms of waving lines that seemed to morph into snakes or crocodiles and this was strangely similar to my experience. But there was a point where I felt like I wasn’t getting into the flow of things the way I’d like. So I thought to myself: What would Tara Brach recommend? I remember since Percy said he emphasized healing, that Tara might recommend that I simply ask to be conscious of whatever might need healing. When I did this, there did seem to be a kind of shift, and I saw all kinds of really ugly creatures, straight out of a Hieronymus Bocsh painting. I’m not sure if they were real entities (I talked to someone who described similar such creatures in her as sucking her energy) or symbols my mind came up with to represent blocks or emotions that needed healing. I tried being present with it, and I hope there was some healing, however I felt that there was a lot more that needed to be healed than was going to happen in one night.

At one point, some people went up to the shaman (Percy) and asked for a second cup, and I did this, too, thinking this would give me deeper, richer experiences. (And after all, I did have two cups in Curutiba, which was such a wonderful experience.) But the second cup didn’t really seem to add that much to the experience. Also, I eventually purged (vomited), in the pail beside me. (Everyone has little buckets for “purging” and lots of people do this, especially newbies.) After this, I settled down and relaxed a bit and probably had slightly better visuals.

Another possible complication for this session was that I was tired from doing the San Pedro the day (and night) before.

Percy did some chanting, but he also used quite a few instruments in the ceremony, such as a rattle that was made of dried leaves that made a flying sound. He also had a bell.

After the ceremony (it lasted around 4 hours) Percy ended it, and we (all 20 of us) spent the night on the mats he had given us for ceremony. So we ended up sleeping in the same lodge. I didn’t get all that much sleep, due to the thin mat, as well as people who whispered or used flashlights to go to the outside bathroom.

Friday night with Xavier da Silva

I paid a visit last night to the house of Xavier da Silva. It was an
unforgettable experience. I´ll try to explain. He lives in a very
simple (actually rather dirty) house in Iquitos. There were people
from the town (who were not part of our shamanism conference) sitting
on wooden benches placed in the front room. But some of my friends and
I were asked to sit in a room where the master himself was working on
people, one by one.

I'm not sure if I've exlained very well much how the ceremonies in Peru are different from
the ones in Brazil. But at Xavier´s, the ceremony begins with us drinking the ayuasca, then turning off all the lights, so it´s pitch black. The only source of illumination is the cigarette´s burning. The shaman´s here actually encourage smoking tobacco, which they consider a sacred plant that helps with protection. Xavier has an assisant walking around the room handing out lit cigarettes, and I did smoke some of them.

During these ayahusca ceremonies in Peru, the shamans sing icaroos (songs) and or play various instruments or noise makers. Xavier relied only on his voice, and it was a marvel, unlike anything I've heard before. It´s not exactly beautiful in the sense that a record label would be asking him to sign a contract. But I don´t think I´ve heard a voice with so much passion, soul, suffering, hope, longing, open heartedness asking for redemption before. The tonality was unique and resonant in a way I don´t think I can describe. The words were in spanish, but all I could go by was the emotions that seem to be in the words. There were even times, when I thought I heard reverberations of his words just behind my neck (maybe the tea?).

His singing was devoted to healing and helping the people, who give little or nothing in the way of donations. He does this as his service. People would be guided to come to him in the pitch black, then sit down in a chair, and he would sing and heal them.

The tea was very potent, and I was off with visions in very little time. I heard people vomiting in little pails in darkness all around me. Although I was rather nauseous, I didn´t throw up. There were other details that were rather less than comfortable. The air eventually grew thick with cigarette smoke. But the real joy was when I had to walk to the bathroom in the dark (another wonderful side effect of the tea). After the difficulty of walking to find the bathroom (and bumping into several tripping people sitting on the floor in the dark), I discovered that the bathroom had no light or and no toilet paper.  (I kind of regret sharing this with you, but  I wanted you to get the local flavor of the experience.)

I did make one mistake, I think. The cup was very strong, and I was having some nice visuals. And  when a second cup was offered, and I refused.  The reason is that the previous night with Percy and I took two cups, when I seemed to be doing find with one. The second one didn´t seem to add anything, and in fact I ended up throwing up (not a bad thing at all according to the powers that be, but unpleasant nonetheless). After having avoided ´purging´ I decided it was safer to avoid a second cup. But then the effects of the first cup wore off a bit, and I was left in something like my normal consciousness for the duration. Not bad, by any means, still a wonderful experience, but it might have been more powerful.

The visions are kind of like an enhanced imagination that seems to take on a mysterious life of their own, depending on your intention. My intention that night was to experience pure love. I can´t say I made it there, but I think that ayahuasca gave me some advice on how
to get there.  I was told (from time to time) that the plant answers your questions, but with the sound of your own voice.  At any rate, the answer I got that night was simply to relax and be present in the area of my heart.  (Perhaps there were other answers later.)  There can be disturbing, floating images (although not that I can recall this evening)  but that is why holding firm to a good intention comes in.  As I've said in another place, I was committed to being present and kind to all my experiences. This buddhist teaching served me well in the ayahuasca experiences.

But somehow the strange, almost unworldly passion of Xavier´s voice, undeniably filled with Christian teachings (his alter had pictures of Christ and the baby Jesus) led me try to feel the essence of Christ. And when this happend, I asked Christ to come into my heart, perhaps not so unlike many years ago when I grew up in a baptist church. It somehow seemed so silly that I hadn´t done this long before now. (Now don´t be concerned, I am still into mindfulness and buddhist teachings). But it is undeniably true I have been strongly influenced by (at last some) christian teachings, and I felt it only right that I honor and invite Christ to be my teacher.

So I could say more, but you I think I¨ve given you a flavor. When the lights were turned on, we discovered it was after 4 in the morning. (The session began at 10pm.) So Xavier had sung his soul in a way I had not heard before, for healing these poor people who could barely give him anything, for 6 hours. A really incredible thing to witness. My friends (from the conference) and I were all blown away by the experience.

By the way, were were all led (one by one) to be given personal healings by this master. When it was my turn, I stumbled in the dark to a chair in front of me, and i was asked (through a translator) whether I wanted protection or some information about my body. I answered that I wanted to know about my body. He gave me some really excellent readings about my overall health and energy that seemed very accurate. He also said something disturbing, that I was involved with an organization (I think he means where I work) where there were some people who I trusted that might try to use some negativity against me. I need to be careful, there I think.

The next morning, there my body (particularly the region of my chest) felt lighter, freer than I usually did, even though I perhaps only slept 5 hours or so.

Sunday night with Ron Wheelock

Ron Wheelock is one of the gringo Shamans. He has a real wild look about him, kind of rough, and lots of people I talked with liked him (especially a few I hung out with when I took San Pedro). Also, he speaks English (which I thought was a plus) and he lives closer to town, so getting there and back would be easier.

He didn’t do the flower bath ritual. And we got to it around 7pm.  His brew tasted the worst, I think. I didn’t quite get so much in the way of visuals, but I sat patiently, thinking of waiting of getting another cup. The stuff didn’t exactly sit well with me. Eventually I did get another cup (tasted nasty), but I thought I could probably handle it. So I sat for awhile, got some imagery that seemed to be on an archetypal level, where I was seeing lots of tree imagery.  One very interesting image was the bottom of this tree, with a lot of roots, that had one eye in the center of it.  (Later, I learned that Ron was using “black” ayahuasca. Turns out there are about 15 different kinds of ayahuasca, including “red,” “lightning,” “sky,” and “dolphin” (which Ron said was ‘no good.”) I don’t know anything about the other types, or what types the other were using.

When the ceremony was over, I lied down in the bed (that was in the same room), then immediately felt a strong urge to go outside and “purge.” I felt much better (naturally) and talked to some of the people in my group who happened to be relaxing outside.  It was nice looking up at the bright stars, talking to these people who I had never met before, and who I would never probably meet again, about ecology, the nature of love, this paradoxical country that was both blessed with these riches and yet cursed with poverty, and other things. Our hearts seemed to be so open to this land that had given us these incredible experiences. Later, when I went to bed, I actually started having stronger visuals, black and orange patterns of animals, carousels, and insects. I realized afterwards that I was unconsciously keeping myself from purging (maybe trying to be ‘strong’ I guess), but this kept me from relaxing with the process, so I wasn’t getting quite the strong visusals that others were getting. This kind of thing might have been working against me with Percy on Thursday night, too, come to think about it.  I think my mistake was that because I had very strong, clear experiences in Curitiba, where I didn’t purge, and a friend of mine on that journey did purge and didn’t have strong experiences, I drew the wrong conclusion that “not purging” or keeping the medicine inside me, even if I was slightly uncomfortable, would lead to better experiences. When I talked to other people about this, they told me they believed usually good experiences happen after your purge, if you need to, and as long as the medicine has been inside about an hour or so.

Wrapping Up

One a scale of 1 to 10 (where 1 would be virtually no visuals or experiences and 10 would be seeing hallucinations in the external world), I would rank my experiences something like:

Curutiba 8.5 or 9

Don Luis 1
Percy 6
Xavier 7. (would probably have been higher if I had had another cup)
Ron 5 (might have been stronger if I had purged sooner?)

The San Pedro with Wendy was also a 9, but not on the basis of visuals (although I did have some cool visuals that evening) but on the fun, feeling of interconnection with nature and each other. Really cool stuff.

Overall, I consider that I had one exceptional experience, one not that good experience, and the others are average or decent but not exceptional. Others had experiences that compared the tea with “rocket fuel” so it was kind of a luck of the draw with me and also a bit of learning such things as how many cups to drink and when to purge. Something that you kind of have to learn. But really, that’s probably the way it is with most, rather variable experiences as you learn. But one of the great things about this conference is that you can talk to many people and learn which shamans are the better ones.

(Of course Percy told us that it was a mistake to treat visuals as a priority, that healing was more important. Hard to argue. So it might be that my rankings above are not quite right.)

I think, however, the more important question is whether, overall, I have felt greater healing (or put another way, is my heart more open).  Tara actually speculated that this might help open my heart some.  And I think it has a little.  I did feel many moments of greater love, wonder, and inner cleansing, and I feel some of this has lingered within me.  But one of the women I met who has taken ayahuasca over 70 times told me that the way to pursue this is to find a shaman that you want to work with, then stick with him (or her) and go deep.  So, all in all, I've probably only scratched the surface.

Overall, it’s been a really incredible experience, but one where I still am learning. I felt my heart open quite a bit. I believe I learned an incredible wealth of insights into important questions I had. I met incredible people who were also on a journey to explore this path and this kind of knowledge. It was a real adventure exploring this in a city like Iquitos, and I think I would recommend this conference to just about anyone interested in this sort of thing. I hope I’ve given you a sense of the experience.

Santo Daime in Curitiba, Brazil

My first experience with ayahuasca was in a small church on the outskirts of Curitiba Brazil, called Santo Daime. It's sort of a Christian church, although obviously it has some roots in indigenous culture. So Santo Daime is a kind of fusion between indigenous culture and Christianity, but I'll need to read up more about it. (BTW, there is Santo Daime in the US in New Mexico and Hawaii, and the supreme court has ruled that they can drink the tea.) We came to this church through our contacts through the PSI conference I was attended. I was invited by Stanley Krippner, a pretty famous anthropologist who is an expert on ayahuasca, dreaming, and lots of other stuff. (On a separate note: I got to give my presentation on sacred sites, which was actually very well received.)

In the church, everyone was seated around an alter in the circle, which was decorated as a great Tree of Life. The leaves of the tree were different colors, green, orange, yellow, very beautifully. The group I was with were the guests of the church, and their congregation seemed to be mostly fairly young, but very nice and sweet people. I wouldn't call them hippies or anything, just regular people in this part of brazil. They were dressed very nicely and were very polite.

During the whole experience, a lot of the congregation was either playing an instrument (guitar, accordian, maracas) or singing. (Eventually, one woman began drumming, which was greatly appreciated.) I don't couldn't read the lyrics (in Portugese) but I'm sure there were a lot of references to Jesus Christ and the Virgin Mary. At first, the music was slightly annoying to me. Not bad really, just not my kind of music. And they played constantly. Eventually, though, their devotion of spirit and enthusiasm won me over, and I was very happy they were there through the experience.

For some reason, the genders were slightly separated, men sitting on one side and women on the other. More men played instruments, but the women had the better voices. One in particular was was singing her heart out the whole time.

One other thing. During the experience, they stationed these helpful "guards" who were very warm and attentive throughout. One man named Gilbert was extremely warm and attentive to me and my friends there. If anyone needed to go outside (most likely to vomit) they would very quickly assist you because under the influence, you loose some of your coordination. They would help you through the door. If you had to be sick, they would be very kind and attentive, bringing you water with a smile. Perhaps a chair, ask you to look up and enjoy the night, and encourage you. Thankfully, this didn't happen to me, but it did to some of my friends, and it was good to know we had such men who were so focused on serving our needs. (I have to say, the people down here are very warm and friendly! In fact, I was really inspired by their sense of service, duty, and generosity.)

OK, now the experience itself. I took two glasses of ayahuasca. Although I was slightly nauseous, I didn't vomit, which I think helped me a lot in having a good experience. (One of my friends who got sick didn't seem to have the visuals I did.) Shortly after the second glass, I became aware that if I closed my eyes, the show began. And in the beginning, it was rather uncomfortable, seeing all kinds of crazy stuff like a kaleidoscope landscape of alien bugs. It was like a rocket ship taking off, and I thought "holy shit, what have I gotten myself into?" "What was I thinking, coming to this strange, foreign part of the world, to trip my ass off?" But my buddhist teachings served me well. I was committed to being present, relaxed, and kind to every facet of my experience. This helped me a great deal.

One of the interesting shifts for me was when I began to think about my mother, who recently passed away. I wanted to send her as much love as I could (to wherever she was). This seemed to open my heart a lot and I could feel a lot of love. Later in the process, it seemed I was connecting a lot with the feminine.

There were other various kinds of explorations. One thing I noticed is that if I opened my eyes, then closed them, the negative of what I was seeing (like the back of a white chair) would stay on my eyelids for a fraction of a second and then turn into a kalaidescope of color and patterns.

They give advice (which I think is very good) that you should have a goal or intent (perhaps in a religious context) for the experience. I think that's probably very important. When you are tripping (I realize) the dangers of the mind become much more clear. Any intent or thought takes on an incredible life of their own. Hidden fears can emerge. You have to be mindful and not allow your mind to just run amok. However, although I did have rather clear intents, with each intent having a kind of journey, I didn't want to be too disciplined about things. I kind of wanted to enjoy a ride. So I relaxed and let my mind explore various topics and questions, perhaps not the best way, but still very interesting. I also maintained an attitude of curiosity throughout.

Basically, the tea seems to relax control of the way your mind works, so your thoughts and visuals (and the sounds around you) are released from their usual control. This can of course be a little scary. Stanley Krippner told us at a workshop on dreaming that dreaming and experiencing ayahuasca are very similar. In both cases, you're exploring deep experiences that are usually hidden or suppressed. And it can be wild, beautiful, ugly, scary, loving, you name it. But here is where the constant singing, music, and beautiful tree decorations come in. They seemed to function as a beautiful, loving frame that held your reality in a kind of space, where you were free to explore your journey, ask and receive answers, but always could come back to this environment of singing, music, and love. You were always being held in this kind joyful, loving embrace. No matter what you experienced, you could always come back to this.

And this to me was the most amazing thing about the whole experience. These musicians and singers were tripping the whole time just like me! And yet here they were performing for about 3 hours, while were were all under the influence. They were amazing. (The guards like Gilbert did not drink the tea, however.)

One thing I may not have made clear: I didn't really experience much in the way of external hallucinations. That is, when I opened my eyes, I didn't see anything particularly unusual, although sense of space and light was slightly distorted.

After about 3 hours, the singing and music came to a close, but I was still pretty much in an altered state. The members of the church were very friendly, and some came to greet us. One came and tried to speak with us, even though he didn't know much english. As he spoke, it sounded like he was trying to quote the verse from the Bible, "As ye sew, so shall ye reap." But he actually said something slightly different. He said something like: Cast seeds that contain love. I think this was meant to suggest that when you have drunk the ayahuasca, to choose intentions that are loving and kind. Of course, it's not bad advice when you're not drinking ayahuasca, either.

After the ceremony, someone brought out popcorn. (They are really big on popcorn in south america, I discovered.) Also some lemon grass tea lemon grass, I think. And the gentleman named Gilbert led me to where they had a big plate of some kind of boiled, black nuts, about the shape and size of cockroaches. But they had a potato-like flavor. Anyway, the fact that we ended our ayahuasca journey in this church with popcorn and nuts that looked like cockroaches somehow seemed pretty hilarious on the bus ride back to our hotel.

Overall, I did experience a sense of peace, wisdom, beauty, and love. A number of times, however, I also thought this was pretty strong medicine, and maybe not necessary (or even useful) path for someone who has something like buddhist dharma. Nevertheless, of course, I was rather curious to see what it was all about.

Many times during the experience, I would be considering a topic or question, and get insight or revelations which was rather cool. And frequently, I would think something like: wow, I'm really clever to get this. But then I would think, hey....who is this I that keeps appearing? That's an inquiry I might try in the next session, when I get to Peru.